The Big Stupid
by slack-jawed cheese hugger
Summary: So one day she's randomly a dog and apparently Pein was out in the hall, so she invites him in. This is however not good news because we start attracting THEM like flies. FLIES I TELL YOU! r
1. Or Not Towels

Okay, so remember how I said ATFD was over

Okay, so remember how I said ATFD was over?

Well that was mostly because we'd started this.

Hope you all like it… maybe eventually I'll publish the story leading up to our appearance here, but maybe not. I'm not sure you people would like it.

…then again, I have this SUPER AWESOME Akamaru Special that's near the beginning of the "Precursor Series" or whatever, and it's very smexy… huh, maybe I should just do that one…. Hmm…. –thinks-

(Note: 'you' is Brooke and 'I' is S)

(also note: Ryuusei is the name of my OC and Buroku is hers. I call her all sorts of variations of it here, so.)

(she's the one with the Akumigan, and I'm said "short chick".)

(another note: as this begins, she is (somehow and for some reason) a puppy/dog.)

**The Big Stupid**

**A collaboration (well, sort of) with S-chan aka slack-jawed cheese hugger and Brooke aka vampireizzy where I did the long bits but only because I like writing long things and okay I'm going to stop this title now**

--m--

--m--

You jumped out of my lap where I had been petting you, quivering with concentration. "I'm going to go investigate."

I waited for you, folding and unfolding my skirt in my hands, until you came dashing in.

You skitter in, yelping in alarm, followed by...

Pein.

And all five of his other bodies.

"Oh _god _not again," I moan desperately.

You jump into my lap with a final squeal, and sit there, shaking, as I'm surrounded by the Six Paths of Pein.

"Um... hi?" I ask timidly, trying not to sound scared, pulling you close to myself.

Pein, of course, is an orange dog with piercings on his face, along with the others. I stare, one thought circulating in my mind: _Why is everyone dogs?!_

Everyone except me, of course.

I get to my feet, and the faces of everyone else follow me, you still in my arms, shaking. Pein, Kein, and Hein are glaring at me, Gein is looking worried, Dein is scratching his nose and Sein... well, Sein's looking up my skirt. Blushing, I stand up, letting you jump down and run off to hide under my bed, and reach out to touch Pein.

My quivering hand approaches him, and he eyes it like he's going to start barking, but when I touch the top of his head with one cautious finger, he doesn't do anything. I pet him once or twice, melting under the power of the cute, before remembering who he is, and gently picking him up (him looking very cross) I tell everyone I'm going to try something I read about once, and walk to the sink in the bathroom, and they follow me.

Once there, I put Pein down in the bathtub, and run the hot water. "Okay, well, here goes," I mumble, mostly to myself, still blushing, and pick up Pein, shoving his head under the current.

Just like I had predicted, he gave me a look of disgust, before growing suddenly, turning from a little dog to a full-sized human. I find myself holding a normal-sized man around the middle, and withdraw immediately, blushing like crazy.

"Do- do you mind?" I squeak, indignant.

"Mind-" his voice rasps from disuse, and he clears his throat. "Mind what?"

I fall back in disbelief. "Well, for one thing, you're NAKED!" He nods, making a little "ah" sound at the back of his throat, and grabs a towel, draping it modestly around his waist.

As he climbs out of the tub, Sein pokes my foot with one of his skull-spikes, making me turn. He looks up at me expectantly, and I sigh, doing the same for him.

But when he turns, with a poof and a rush of displaced air, instead of standing up and putting on a towel, he just turns his upper body, curving his spine backwards so his face is upside-down in front of my own.

Eyes wide, mouth just open, I watch him, wondering _what the hell does he want from me _but I don't say anything, so scared I'll do something wrong and make them seriously angry that when he finally opens his mouth and says "hi," I fall backwards onto my ass and then burst into tears.

--m--

for clarification, Pein, Dein, Kein, Sein, Hein, and Gein are my names for each of Pein's six bodies. I don't work with Nagato, lol.

How to tell who's who:

Normal Pein: Pein

Ponytail: Dein

Long, long hair: Kein

Crazy/arm-biter-off-er/skull spikes: Sein

Gein: stocky guy with shortish choppy hair

Hein: the one that's left over, I think he's bald….?

ANYway.

Hope you liked it!

-The Head Baka


	2. A Little Worm

Ladies and Gentlemen, the latter of which probably doesn't even READ this but I'm going to be a total romantic and address them

Ladies and Gentlemen, the latter of which probably doesn't even READ this but I'm going to be a total romantic and address them anyway, I am pleased to present this chapter but only because idkwtusb-san reviewed and maybe everyone else is hiding or something and I'm rambling and being inconsiderate aren't I?

**The Big Stupid**

**You Already Know Who Wrote It**

**Chapter Two:**

**A Little Worm**

--m--

The water is still running and so the rest of the bodies jump hastily into the tub and shove their heads under the water at the same time, and poof, there are five (and a half) naked men in my bathroom, and I'm in no state to help anyone with anything. When it sinks in that now there are even more ways I could piss Pein off (four more, to be exact) I cry harder, absolutely terrified out of my mind, covering my eyes with my hands in a pointless attempt to not let them see me cry.

"Cripes, Sein, you made the poor girl cry!" Kein socked him in the back of the head and he turned from looking at me to argue with his other bodies, slipping and sliding in the tub.

(1)You stared at the bathtub, then at the men, bleeding horribly from the nose._ God, what big wangs...-wait, what? _You push the thought to the back of your mind, but it wouldn't stay. You ran and jumped into the tub, re-emerging on two-legs and naked.

(2)Hein, being the nice one of the six, threw you a towel while Dein covered Sein's eyes.

(3)I stared at each of them, them just at Pein. He raised an eyebrow, then walked over and stood in front of you. "Can I?" (4)

You grinned, standing up. "_Can _you?"

He looked at you, incredulous, and you grinned wider, sidestepping out of the room. He followed you into the next room, pulling the door shut behind him.

Sadly, everyone had forgotten me.

I was stuck in a room with five full-grown males and not enough towels to go around.

Biting my lip, I backed into the corner, which drew the attention of

Dein. "Hey look... she's still there..."

Kein grabbed me by the waist and pulled me into his lap (sans towel, mind you), telling Sein to leave me alone. He just smirked, showing very sharp-looking teeth. I gulped, and, forgetting momentarily about the fact he was naked, retreated further into Kein's grasp, making him gasp, very slightly.

A few hours later...

You awoke in a bed that wasn't yours._ Where am I again...?_ Then you remembered. "Oh, right. That's what happened...-oof!" You were pulled closer as Pein grabbed you in his sleep. You could feel his breath on your ear.

In the bathroom...

I had fallen asleep in Kein's arms, and had awoken at the same time you did, at which point I realized that sometime during the night the others had snuggled up to me for warmth due to the lack of towels.

I awoke to the feeling of someone drawing lazy circles on my upper thigh. Freezing, I looked down, pretending to still be asleep, and saw Sein next to my leg, Dein on my right side holding my arm, Hein on the other side of Sein, and Hein leaning against the wall where he had apparently fallen asleep. I tried to keep my breathing even like I was still asleep, and Sein chuckled darkly. "Silly princess, I can tell you're awake…" He licked the side of my leg and I shivered involuntarily, a tiny moan crawling out of my mouth. He grinned and nodded at Dein next to me, and when I turned to look at him, he smirked at me before grabbing my hair and pulling me towards himself, kissing me aggressively. I tried to pull back, but he yanked on my hair, making me yelp in surprise, and growled, "I wouldn't do that, luv. If I were you." I whimpered submissively and he smiled.

"Hey, what d'you think you're doin'?" mumbled Kein sleepily. He pulled me closer to him by the waist, which resulted in my body being pulled in two directions, then three when Sein decided to pitch in his two cents and tug on my leg. I whined, trying to get free of all these men, but they growled at me in synchrony, which woke up Gein and Hein.

In the other room…

A sharp intake of breath from Pein told you that the bodies in the bathroom were awake and moving, and you wondered what was going on, searching Pein's face for answers, until he let out a low moan that dissolved into a dark chuckle, and your eyes widened. _What are they doing in there?_ Shrugging inwardly, you decided not to involve yourself for my sake. It sounded like fun. And from the feeling of Pein purring and rubbing his hard-on against your leg, it was just getting interesting.

Flipping yourself over to be on top of the man next to you in the bed, you leaned down to nip at the juncture between his neck and shoulder, rubbing yourself against his cock, making him moan. You were getting wet just seeing the look in his eyes, excited and horny as hell.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see his hands, twitching like crazy, aching to grab you, but still trying to hold back. They were open, palm-up, on the sheet, the muscles spasming like he was clenching and unclenching them subconsciously. Apparently, whatever was going on in the room with the rest of his bodies was getting collectively hot enough to test even his iron control.

You smiled, then out of the corner of your eye, something moved.

You tensed, then looked at Pein. You could read his eyes: he'd saw it too.

"Who's there?!" you said sternly, then the window opened and in flew...

--m--

B-chan writing start

Mine

Hers again

Man, where to start? I was being REALLY slow that day and so it took a while before we got back on track again because she was all like, "and he said, 'Can I?'" and I was like, "uhhhhh…. Can he what?" and so she had to explain to me what the hell that guy was actually asking and once she told me I felt extremely stupid so that took a bit.

(invisible number five) She later made a joke about penises and penis size and Pein's penis but you don't need to know that, do you?

Weirdly enough, the ending of this chapter is actually where that one transaction ended. (transaction: section of writing in an email (you write it and then send it.) story.)

'Cos we wrote this whole thing by sending it back and forth, y'know?

Yep yep.

Btw: a pretty reliable way of telling where it switches writers is by a) the length of the paragraphs changes or b) the plot moves in a com_pletely_ different direction.

Yeah.

The reason for this is, as she puts it, is that I am extremely self-centered and my writing and direction of said writing reflect that so she has to push my ideas off a cliff and kill them.

And then she comes up with thirty different actually _**good**_ideas and then I realize how cruddy mine was.

No, I'm not kidding.

Thing is though, I don't have too many good ideas on my own anyway, so she's really helpful like that….

And, another plus, she doesn't feel at _all _awkward about introducing characters.

Let's have a round of applause, please!

She really is that impressive.

-The Head Baka

PS: _wow _that was awkward.


End file.
